So, today was Lambda's annual Paint War, and as always it was amazing. Here are some pictures to describe exactly what went down:

Before: Lindsay and I went to Goodwill to buy outfits for each other. We had a $10 limit, and these are the clothes we ended up with.

Please note--
- My skirtpants. They are one article of clothing. Who... Why... Wow.
- Lindsay's top. It is handmade. I don't know who needed exactly that shirt so much that they made it themselves, but it was hideous.
- Our eye wear. In theory it would give us an advantage when paint was flying. In reality, Lindsay had no peripheral vision, and I was not only not wearing my own glasses, I was wearing someone else's prescription...

During:
1,200 paint filled water bottles
~150 people

No time to stop and think about who you're aiming at. Just get them before they get you!!

After:
The men of Alpha made an appearance. Never to be out done they followed Paint War with their annual end of the year bash. This year it was "AICOCTF". You know, Alpha-Iota Cook-out and Capture the Flag.



* Special thanks to my friend, Will. I stole most of these pictures from his Facebook, but what can I say, he's a great photographer!

Finals week is here! It's absolutely incredible how quickly that went. I really feel like this semester went faster even than Pac Rim did. Of course in the middle of it, it felt like it would never end, and now that we're at the end I want some of that time back! My mom and I have a lot of talks these days about how time has flown by so quickly and what my future plans are. Future, future, future. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE talking about the future. It's so unknown, and I like it that way. For now. Making firm plans and absolute ideas of how I want things to turn out only feels like setting myself up for disappointment. I want to leave it open for as long as possible. Consider what my life could be like depending on the decisions I make these next few months. Vastly different paths I'm looking at. It's so exciting!!

Of course I'm thinking about going on the HIM program. If I do that I'll spend the next 2 years in England, which is such a dream come true for me. But with that choice also comes the risk of not being accepted into the program. And then if I am accepted, there's a very good chance I'll face a lot of homesickness. And what if it's not what I have it built up to be in my head? Or what if it is? I'll be committing 2 years of my life to ministry, which is not an easy job. Along with cultural differences and potentially going out on my own if no one else is interested in going on the program with me. I want to be prepared for whatever comes, good or unexpected so that I can enjoy everything instead of measuring it against a standard I have imagined in my head.

Another option I have is to look for jobs here in the US. I feel that I will be in a very good position to find a job with Lockheed Martin after I graduate, and if so I will most likely end up living in the DC area. I've loved it so far, and I'm really looking forward to going again this summer. I know Lindsay and Natalie will be there, so that is a safe place where I will not be alone. That's my main fear about moving far from home. Not knowing anyone. It's not like college where you get a whole new group of friends that are all in the same position as you. Sure I can meet people at work, church, etc., but it's still a scary thought of going out into the "real world" completely alone.

One thing about working with LM that my mom and I have talked about is that they have many international branches, and transferring within the company is fairly easy if there are open positions. If I were to go with LM, there is always the opportunity to move around later, but to me that kind of means being temporary again. I'm ready to put down roots somewhere. I don't really belong in Mansfield. But I don't really belong in OKC. I'm even more temporary in DC. After graduation, I want to belong somewhere. I want to live somewhere without having to think about moving again within the immediate future. Since August of 2005 I haven't really lived in the same place for more than a few months at a time. Even from fall semester to spring each year I have never lived in the same dorm room or apartment. It's actually a little insane, but it's been okay because it's only college and nothing is too permanent here. I don't want to keep doing that forever though. I need a little more constant in my life. Even if it's just 2 years. I'll take that. :)

My other option of course is to look for an entirely different job. Instead of going with LM (or if they don't hire me) I can look for jobs wherever I want. Anywhere. I would love to do that, but I think my fear of going completely alone may win over me in that. Going to the UK to a job with a mentor missionary and a whole church family to interact with is totally way less scary to me than taking a job in.... Austin, TX. Or somewhere like that... not TOO far from home, but just far enough that I'm not with them. And I'm not with friends. And I'm not instantly connected with people. I say Austin because there are tons of IT jobs there, but I would take a job in DC before I went there I honestly believe.

So that's where I'm at. I'm so thankful for my mom, who is totally supportive of whatever I can dream up. I've done so many things that would never have been possible without the support of my family. My mom especially has voiced her support in everything I do, and I know she has stood up for me when others maybe questioned me. I just remembered something she told me the other day, and it brought tears to my eyes thinking about it now. We were talking about...the future (go figure), and our conversation went like this:

Mom: "Man the time sure flew by fast. What are you going to do next?"
Me: "Mom...we've gone over this. I'm going to the UK."
Mom: "Ha, yes... well, good luck with that."
Me: "What? Ha, that's not really the reaction I was hoping for."
Mom: "Huh? Maybe that didn't come out right. What I meant was... You've done everything else you've ever set your mind to, why not this? You can do anything you want."

She's amazing. And it wasn't even my intention to write about her, but that's how my blogs go. Sit down, write, and see what comes out. I think this was a good one for spitting out all the pros and cons of all the different paths I could take from here. More thinking. More praying.

I love that there are so many stages of life. I love children, but I think even more than that I love old people. I love watching them, and talking to them. But of course I totally enjoy the stage of life I'm at now in college. I hope I never lose that love for life at every phase. I want to enjoy now for now and not look back wishing I could go back and not push forward too much so I miss anything while I'm in this stage I'll never be able to come back to.

That being said, I found this video, and it just makes my heart so happy. Please enjoy.

In the past, I have been more active with Wishing Well, a student run organization that aims to provide clean water to rural areas of Africa by building wells. It was started at OC by Ryan Groves, after his brother started the same organization at Pepperdine the year before. Well, this school year I went on Pac Rim, and when I came back I focused more on getting involved in Lambda again to get to know our new girls and participate in Spring Sing. I recently realized how much I miss helping Wishing Well, so today I met with Justin Mauldin, an active leader this year, about ideas that they might be able to use next year.

I had fun preparing for our meeting by writing down ideas that have worked as fundraisers in the past or ways that I thought Wishing Well could get more involved in events that are already going on around campus. It was exciting to see that he was really interested in my ideas, and I hope that next semester I can do more work with them again. Most of my ideas were ways to incorporate clubs into their plans more, so hopefully I can help actually put these plans into motion next year and see the real results of my ideas. I just hope that the clubs will respond positively to the new ideas and get more active with Wishing Well again. When they first started, it was a huge deal on campus, and over time the newness has worn off. That doesn't mean that participation and excitement for Wishing Well should dwindle though. I mean, every year there are 500 new people on campus that aren't "over it" with Wishing Well. Not only with clubs but with the freshmen, on OC's campus alone there are endless possibilities and people that dream of being able to change the world.

So, I dedicate this post to Wishing Well and all the people that are involved and wanting to make big changes in the world. Here's to ideas leading to action leading to huge results.

I think right now I'm struggling with feeling stuck. A lot of my friends are graduating soon, and I'm not. I still have a couple weeks before finals also, which means I'm here in Oklahoma not really doing much until this summer when I am going back to DC. And then after I graduate I'm hoping to go to England with the HIM program, but that doesn't even leave until next summer.

One thing that I learned on Pac Rim, and I obviously need to refocus myself now to remember is that I can't keep pressing forward excited about the next thing. I need to appreciate today for what it is, and not just make the most with what I've got but live today to it's fullest. Of course too many clichés come to mind, but that's exactly what I know I need to do right now. I can't live for a month from now or for a year from now, but I'm starting to realize that there is a reason I've been given this time between now and then. I need to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing - probably self-improvement - and start doing it!

So, that's my goal for now. To live for today. To find a way to make Monday, the very best April 13th, 2009 that I possibly can. Then I'll focus on the next day. I can't forget to make short term plans and goals while also keeping my long term goals as a motivator.

Well, it's been a while, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking in regards to studying super crazy for tests and also thinking more about the HIM program.

I keep thinking about it, and the more I do the more I want to go! It's such an awesome opportunity for me to help others, but I think it will be an equally important growing experience for myself. Do I think I'm perfect for this? No, but I can learn, and I hope that my eagerness to help in any way would be beneficial to the work there. I'm not afraid to go.

This week, I had a long talk with my sister about life lesson kind of stuff, and my mom joked that I should be a counselor. When I called to talk to my sister, I had no idea what I was going to say, but somehow I was able to connect with her and relate to what she's going through to help her. I know that when I was in my teen years, so many times that's all I wanted. I wanted someone to listen to me, relate, and give me solid advice. Not to tell me what to do, but gently push me in the right directions. I was blessed enough to have an awesome youth minister in my life to talk to about whatever was going on, and I think that if I have that ability to connect to people - especially teens - then I should try to use that in a positive way and definitely for God.

I've heard many times people say that the UK and surrounding regions are hard places to minister, but I think that's a challenge worth facing. If we avoided all the places that were hard to teach to, then we may as well all stay home and not talk to anyone. It's hard to reach your neighbor here in the US. It's hard to reach the Chinese with the government watching. It's hard to reach the Japanese with their years of traditions and cultural habits in the way. What makes it any harder to reach the British? And even if it is difficult, does that not make it worth going? No. If I go, and I am only able to get through to a handful of people in my time there, does that mean my time was wasted or that I failed? Not at all. It means that a handful of people that may never have been exposed to God's love were shown that love, and maybe they can also share that love with others.

Like I said, the more I think about it, the more I want to go. I will continue to pray about it, to be sure that my heart is in the right place and that this is truly the path for me, but already I feel like my heart has become more ready and eager to go.

Please also pray for me as I make decisions over the next few months that will affect my future. Pray that I listen and follow God's will for my life and not try to fit what I think God wants into my own desires.

First of all, if anyone reads this, you should go check out my friend Stephanie's site about her mission to Rwanda: http://mymissiontorwanda.ning.com/

Also, I went to talk to Clyde Antwine yesterday about possibly participating in the Helpers in Missions "HIM" Program. It's run through Memorial Road church of Christ, and they send college graduates out into the mission field to work under missionaries that are established in different areas of the world. I told him about my love of England and about how I had thought about all my different options as I traveled around last semester. It seemed like everywhere I went I heard about an opportunity to go for a year or two teaching English or just working as a missionary. I loved Pac Rim and every place we visited, so each time I tried to imagine myself coming back and living there for a year. Every time I just felt like that wasn't quite the right place for me. A year in China... Two years in Japan... Two in Australia... It all sounds fun, but it wasn't until I was walking through Sydney alone one day (don't tell my sponsors) ;) and I caught myself comparing my experience there with "this is what it would feel like being alone in England if I move there" that I realized... "OH! I really DO want to go to England!"

Ever since graduating high school 4 years ago when I went on vacation with my Nana for 2 weeks in Europe, I've dreamed of going back. I even told my mom when I got back from that trip that I was going to move to England when I finished college. Anytime people ask me what I want to do with my degree or what I'm going to do after college, all I can think of is England. "Not sure..." doesn't mean I have no idea, it means I want to move to England, and if I can find a way to do that, I'll take whatever job I can get.

About 2 years ago I went to talk to Kent Hartman about the HIM Program. It was still way too early to talk seriously about it, but I was interested at least. We talked for a while, and he encouraged me to come back when I was closer to graduating so we could see if I was still interested. Well... here I am, 2 years later, and yes, I'm still interested.

Clyde said that they are very picky about who goes, and I totally understand that. It's not cheap to send missionaries, and if they are going to commit that much money (MRCC pays a considerable portion) they need to know that they can trust the people they send. It also isn't easy to go. A lot of money has to be raised to go for a 2 year stay anywhere, and the UK isn't cheap. But Clyde said they do have a standing invitation from some missionaries in Nottingham for HIM workers. Each fall is when they start preparing people to go, so I have some time to consider the program, pray about it, and decide if I want to commit to my participation.

It's an exciting opportunity, and this time it's one that I could see myself fitting into. I want to go out into the world, and it is my hope that God will lead me - mind, heart, feet, everything.