I got an offer for the Programmer position at OMRF!! I'm really excited because it's finally coming together! 4 1/2 years in college, who knows HOW many resumés sent out, and now.... the ball is officially in my court.

Now, I have some time to look over the offer and really ask questions about their benefits, etc. For now, they're offering me a part-time position to start during this semester. That's actually really nice because I can work fewer hours than I am at Best Buy right now but make more per hour so it'll balance out. I'm thinking I'll stick with Best Buy too and try to work weekends because I like working there, plus the discount is nice to have (especially if I'll have money to actually buy stuff soon), and a little extra money on the side sounds good to me. When I graduate I'll move into the full-time position with full benefits, etc.

So, that's that. I'm super excited at the possibility of working with Ryan Parker, and I'm also realizing, after talking with Mark Chan of OC Career Services, that this means a lot of stress off my shoulders with graduation approaching. Very cool. :)

So my interview went really well today. I met with a doctor in the office who talked to me more about what they do. She explained how their testing works with patients and how the office works from day to day. I was a little nervous going in because I wasn't sure what more they wanted to ask me, but in the end she asked me several of the same types of questions: strengths, weaknesses, etc. and just mostly talked to my a lot about what I've done in the past. Nothing new or scary, and I walked away with a little clearer understanding of what they do, which is great.

The only part where the interview when wrong was in the exit. I was pretty sure I was supposed to talk to more people, so I asked who I needed to talk to next. You know, you're always trying to be as nice and tactful as possible at an interview, so I thought a gentle reminder would be enough. But she seemed pretty adamant that she was the only one I needed to talk to. She even apologized for making me come all the way down just to talk to her, but of course that was unnecessary. I'll go back as many times as they want until they're ready to decide who to hire. (I should probably set SOME limit actually.) So, I thanked her for having me and let myself out. About 20 minutes later, I got back to campus just in time to actually go to my class. Just as class was starting my friend Ryan who works at the same company called me. He asked where I was and if it was possible for me to come back... Well, that wouldn't have been a problem except that I was actually in the classroom at this point and by that time the professor had come in. It was exactly 2:30 and he kind of looked at me so as to draw all the attention to me. I totally deserved it, but I was stuck! I sit at the far corner from the door, and I really was trying to get off the phone, so leaving would be more trouble than it was worth but staying wasn't a good choice either! I was quietly trying to explain to Ryan that I HAD to go... class was starting, and he was trying to relay messages between the HR lady next to him and me. In the end, he said he'd text me instructions and I hung up, gave a short apology and explanation, and the teacher laughed it off.

Ryan later let me know that HR would just call to reschedule another interview because by the time I got out of class at 3:30, those people I needed to talk to would be leaving or gone.

Also, someone ELSE'S phone rang during class and the prof blamed it on me, which was kind of funny when the guy actually took credit for it. He sits right in front of me, so the teacher assumed it was me.

So, that was the excitement for my day. :) 2nd interview half-way conquered. 3rd (or 2 1/2-nd) apparently in the works.

Thursday @ 1:30pm.

Prayers would be greatly appreciated.



In other news, I think I want to be a teacher. So.... I'm praying for guidance and peace. Those are the types of prayers I could use most right now, Sammie. :) Since I know you're reading.

Soooo... remember that interview I mentioned? :) Well, I got a call last night while I was at work from their HR department.

She left a message to call back, but of course it was Friday night before I could listen. I'll give her a call Monday morning.

BUT -- in the message she said, "I have some good news!" So...

My hopes are high at this point, and I will certainly update on Monday with the rest of this story. :D

This will be my first "real" interview for a career not just a job. :) Just saying that is so weird, but it's so exciting too. I heard about the opening from Ryan Parker at one of his shows, and after originally thinking there was no way I'd apply for it - since I don't REALLY want to stay in Oklahoma after graduation - the logic finally dawned on me that a job in Oklahoma is in fact better than no job at all.

I have sent in soooo many resumes for all kinds of jobs, and this is the first one to call me back for a true interview. A few have wanted to chat on the phone or have emailed me questions, but I'm finally having to stress over what to wear, what to say, etc.

Oh, details. The position I am interviewing for is to be a Programmer for the Arthritis & Immunology department of the Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation. I'm going at 10am, so if you read this and can say a prayer for me around that time I'd really appreciate it!

I always seem to get nervous RIGHT before things or right after, which is so much more convenient but weird when I'm thinking, "I should be nervous about this... what's wrong with me?!" So, for now, it's exciting but I don't think I can fully wrap my head around it until I am walking in the doors to meet with them.

I also have no idea if they would want me to start soon just working part-time or wait until after I graduate to start on full-time. I just started working at Best Buy again recently, and I always love working there. But of course if this Programmer position sounds like it's something I'd really want to pursue and they in turn feel like I'm the right person for the job, then I may have to cut my days with Best Buy short. It's way too soon to know what will happen with that, but I did tell my manager, Kenny, about the interview so I don't blindside him if I do end up leaving. It also feels good to have his support and approval going in this so I know no matter what I won't burn my bridge at Best Buy. :)

Edit: I went back and added a few entries about notable events. Enjoy!

Okay, so sorry I haven't written in a while. Wow. I can't even think back on what all has happened to recount it all now. That's what happens with me, I get in a good writing habit for a while. Then I miss one thing I want to write about but don't have the time so I don't write anything else new thinking I'll get back to writing about that and get back on track.... Then a month goes by and I find myself explaining my absence.

Ahem, that being said, hi. I plan on doing better. I always do. :)

Not a whole lot happened really that was so exciting. More of the same... work, online classes, applying for jobs, and hanging out with Blake. It's crazy to think that the summer is already wrapping up. Wednesday will be my last day at work, and Kathleen is flying up here that night. She hasn't been up here in about 10 years - when she was 7, I guess. So, we're going to spend Thursday and Friday hanging out in DC or seeing whatever she wants to see. This Saturday we're starting the drive home. I'm fairly certain we can do it in 2 days with just one major stop in Nashville. That'll get us home Sunday night, which I'm really looking forward to.

Other than that, I'm just getting details ironed out for my class schedule and housing this fall. I'm excited that I got things moved around so I'll only be taking one class at UCO now, and I'm taking a class with Prof. Smith at OC instead. He's pretty cool, so I'm looking forward to that class for sure now.

I'm also living with Hippie Hanlon and his wife, Elsa, this fall. I really enjoy living in houses as compared to apartments, so I'm looking forward to moving into my room there too. I just need to find out what furniture they have or will have for me - if any. I have some time to get what I need, I just need to know what I need to be on the lookout for.

That's about it for now. Wrapping up another 3 months of my life to move on to the next 3-ish months. I've pretty much mastered the art of juggling how far ahead I can really worry about, but I'm so ready for graduation and having a little more consistency in my life. Of course, that is assuming that when I graduate I find a job that offers more consistency than my life has had these past 4.5 years. I quite literally have not lived in the same place for more than 4 months in 5 years. Maybe I'll get bored with it. I think it'll be a new kind of exciting to have regular activities that I do or places I go to hang out pretty often.

Anyway, I'll write some other time about my dreams of the future. For now I have enough planning and juggling to get me through August to worry about. I'll pick up that dream in September. :)

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People:
1. If you're trying to impress me, you're going about it all wrong.
2. I know it's your goal and within your reach, so why aren't you going for it?
3. Just letting it go would be much easier than this act you put on.
4. I wish I knew the right words to show you the truth.
5. You might think of me as a sister, but I don't think of you that way.
6. I'm pretty sure I can't trust you the same anymore.
7. I'm only doing this to keep the peace.
8. The times you do call almost make up for all the times you don't.
9. Stop measuring yourself in relationships and be happy being you.
10. I hope you can see how much better off you are now even though things didn't turn out as planned.

Nine Things About Me:
1. I'm way more introverted than I let on.
2. I fall too hard, too fast.
3. I stay up way too late at night.
4. There are things I've closed myself off to so much I can't cry about it when I want to.
5. Graduating doesn't scare me as much as not graduating does.
6. I truly want to live in the UK at some point in my life.
7. I honestly believe I can will myself to never have Depression.
8. Being recognized isn't nearly as important to be as making a positive impact.
9. I wish I was more organized.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Love God
2. Make me laugh
3. Do small things to show you care
4. Impress me with your intelligence
5. Dream of foreign adventures with me
6. Be honest, even if it hurts
7. Show kindness to everyone else around you
8. Be patient

Seven Things That Cross My Mind All The Time:
1. I miss Pac Rim
2. I love Coldplay
3. Hmm, Career... Go abroad... Career... Go abroad....
4. I should get ahead on my homework. Oh, look, I'm behind.
5. Is this really what I want to do with my life?
6. I wish I had some kind of view from my cubicle.
7. I wonder what I'd be doing now if I had...... (this part varies)

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
1. Check my email
2. Put forth a weak effort at tidying up
3. Brush my teeth
4. Search for the best pillow arrangement
5. Try to read for a while
6. Turn out the light

Five People (or groups of people) Who Mean A Lot:
1. Mom
2. Family
3. Lindsay
4. Pac Rimmers
5. Lambda

Four Things You Love Wearing:
1. Jeans
2. Tank tops
3. No shoes
4. Sunscreen

Three Songs You Listen To Often:
1. Yellow by Coldplay
2. 22 by Lily Allen
3. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here by She & Him

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. Live in the UK
2. Change someone's life for good

One Confession:
1. One of my biggest fears is that I'll never let myself take the risks I need to in order to really enjoy life like I want to.

Okay, so it's been a while since I updated my blog. And yeah... YouTube videos don't really count as entries, so that puts me even farther behind. The semester ended. Not as great as I'd hoped for, but it is in fact over. So, that's always good. Summer classes have now started, and this first one - Senior Bible Seminar - is pretty interesting! I guess I'm on week 2 of that class, and it'll wrap up at the end of the month.

Right now I'm mainly looking forward to starting my internship in June. I'm driving up there this time, so hopefully my mom can get some time off to go with me. Grandpa might come, but there's a lot up in the air on that to see if he can or not. In either case, I'm excited to start working at Lockheed again and see what they have planned for me. I'm honestly not sure what I'm doing this summer yet, but my friend Devin is coming back for a 2nd internship too so that'll be fun. We definitely had a random bunch of people interning together last summer, but Devin was one of my favorites for sure. I'm also still really up in the air about what I want to do after graduation, so hopefully this summer I can take some time to really look at what I'm doing and what it would be like to jump straight into a career up in DC. I talked to Sarah Byrd about doing the HIM Program because she is leaving in August to spend 2 years in Germany, and she said that she did not know for sure that she was doing the HIM Program until after Thanksgiving, so I guess I have more time than I was expecting to decide after I get back next semester. I'm glad I have this summer to experience a regular 40 hour week software job again before deciding my whole future. Haha!

Not much else going on right now. I've enjoyed my downtime, and I've been trying to take advantage of it by riding a bike around the neighborhood or going swimming since I'm not sure how much time my next summer classes will take up on top of starting work. Oh! I also started reading Ender's Game again. It's just as good as I remember, and this time I also picked up a few more in the series for when I finish it. That's about all for now!

Finals week is here! It's absolutely incredible how quickly that went. I really feel like this semester went faster even than Pac Rim did. Of course in the middle of it, it felt like it would never end, and now that we're at the end I want some of that time back! My mom and I have a lot of talks these days about how time has flown by so quickly and what my future plans are. Future, future, future. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE talking about the future. It's so unknown, and I like it that way. For now. Making firm plans and absolute ideas of how I want things to turn out only feels like setting myself up for disappointment. I want to leave it open for as long as possible. Consider what my life could be like depending on the decisions I make these next few months. Vastly different paths I'm looking at. It's so exciting!!

Of course I'm thinking about going on the HIM program. If I do that I'll spend the next 2 years in England, which is such a dream come true for me. But with that choice also comes the risk of not being accepted into the program. And then if I am accepted, there's a very good chance I'll face a lot of homesickness. And what if it's not what I have it built up to be in my head? Or what if it is? I'll be committing 2 years of my life to ministry, which is not an easy job. Along with cultural differences and potentially going out on my own if no one else is interested in going on the program with me. I want to be prepared for whatever comes, good or unexpected so that I can enjoy everything instead of measuring it against a standard I have imagined in my head.

Another option I have is to look for jobs here in the US. I feel that I will be in a very good position to find a job with Lockheed Martin after I graduate, and if so I will most likely end up living in the DC area. I've loved it so far, and I'm really looking forward to going again this summer. I know Lindsay and Natalie will be there, so that is a safe place where I will not be alone. That's my main fear about moving far from home. Not knowing anyone. It's not like college where you get a whole new group of friends that are all in the same position as you. Sure I can meet people at work, church, etc., but it's still a scary thought of going out into the "real world" completely alone.

One thing about working with LM that my mom and I have talked about is that they have many international branches, and transferring within the company is fairly easy if there are open positions. If I were to go with LM, there is always the opportunity to move around later, but to me that kind of means being temporary again. I'm ready to put down roots somewhere. I don't really belong in Mansfield. But I don't really belong in OKC. I'm even more temporary in DC. After graduation, I want to belong somewhere. I want to live somewhere without having to think about moving again within the immediate future. Since August of 2005 I haven't really lived in the same place for more than a few months at a time. Even from fall semester to spring each year I have never lived in the same dorm room or apartment. It's actually a little insane, but it's been okay because it's only college and nothing is too permanent here. I don't want to keep doing that forever though. I need a little more constant in my life. Even if it's just 2 years. I'll take that. :)

My other option of course is to look for an entirely different job. Instead of going with LM (or if they don't hire me) I can look for jobs wherever I want. Anywhere. I would love to do that, but I think my fear of going completely alone may win over me in that. Going to the UK to a job with a mentor missionary and a whole church family to interact with is totally way less scary to me than taking a job in.... Austin, TX. Or somewhere like that... not TOO far from home, but just far enough that I'm not with them. And I'm not with friends. And I'm not instantly connected with people. I say Austin because there are tons of IT jobs there, but I would take a job in DC before I went there I honestly believe.

So that's where I'm at. I'm so thankful for my mom, who is totally supportive of whatever I can dream up. I've done so many things that would never have been possible without the support of my family. My mom especially has voiced her support in everything I do, and I know she has stood up for me when others maybe questioned me. I just remembered something she told me the other day, and it brought tears to my eyes thinking about it now. We were talking about...the future (go figure), and our conversation went like this:

Mom: "Man the time sure flew by fast. What are you going to do next?"
Me: "Mom...we've gone over this. I'm going to the UK."
Mom: "Ha, yes... well, good luck with that."
Me: "What? Ha, that's not really the reaction I was hoping for."
Mom: "Huh? Maybe that didn't come out right. What I meant was... You've done everything else you've ever set your mind to, why not this? You can do anything you want."

She's amazing. And it wasn't even my intention to write about her, but that's how my blogs go. Sit down, write, and see what comes out. I think this was a good one for spitting out all the pros and cons of all the different paths I could take from here. More thinking. More praying.

I think right now I'm struggling with feeling stuck. A lot of my friends are graduating soon, and I'm not. I still have a couple weeks before finals also, which means I'm here in Oklahoma not really doing much until this summer when I am going back to DC. And then after I graduate I'm hoping to go to England with the HIM program, but that doesn't even leave until next summer.

One thing that I learned on Pac Rim, and I obviously need to refocus myself now to remember is that I can't keep pressing forward excited about the next thing. I need to appreciate today for what it is, and not just make the most with what I've got but live today to it's fullest. Of course too many clichés come to mind, but that's exactly what I know I need to do right now. I can't live for a month from now or for a year from now, but I'm starting to realize that there is a reason I've been given this time between now and then. I need to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing - probably self-improvement - and start doing it!

So, that's my goal for now. To live for today. To find a way to make Monday, the very best April 13th, 2009 that I possibly can. Then I'll focus on the next day. I can't forget to make short term plans and goals while also keeping my long term goals as a motivator.

Well, it's been a while, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking in regards to studying super crazy for tests and also thinking more about the HIM program.

I keep thinking about it, and the more I do the more I want to go! It's such an awesome opportunity for me to help others, but I think it will be an equally important growing experience for myself. Do I think I'm perfect for this? No, but I can learn, and I hope that my eagerness to help in any way would be beneficial to the work there. I'm not afraid to go.

This week, I had a long talk with my sister about life lesson kind of stuff, and my mom joked that I should be a counselor. When I called to talk to my sister, I had no idea what I was going to say, but somehow I was able to connect with her and relate to what she's going through to help her. I know that when I was in my teen years, so many times that's all I wanted. I wanted someone to listen to me, relate, and give me solid advice. Not to tell me what to do, but gently push me in the right directions. I was blessed enough to have an awesome youth minister in my life to talk to about whatever was going on, and I think that if I have that ability to connect to people - especially teens - then I should try to use that in a positive way and definitely for God.

I've heard many times people say that the UK and surrounding regions are hard places to minister, but I think that's a challenge worth facing. If we avoided all the places that were hard to teach to, then we may as well all stay home and not talk to anyone. It's hard to reach your neighbor here in the US. It's hard to reach the Chinese with the government watching. It's hard to reach the Japanese with their years of traditions and cultural habits in the way. What makes it any harder to reach the British? And even if it is difficult, does that not make it worth going? No. If I go, and I am only able to get through to a handful of people in my time there, does that mean my time was wasted or that I failed? Not at all. It means that a handful of people that may never have been exposed to God's love were shown that love, and maybe they can also share that love with others.

Like I said, the more I think about it, the more I want to go. I will continue to pray about it, to be sure that my heart is in the right place and that this is truly the path for me, but already I feel like my heart has become more ready and eager to go.

Please also pray for me as I make decisions over the next few months that will affect my future. Pray that I listen and follow God's will for my life and not try to fit what I think God wants into my own desires.

First of all, if anyone reads this, you should go check out my friend Stephanie's site about her mission to Rwanda: http://mymissiontorwanda.ning.com/

Also, I went to talk to Clyde Antwine yesterday about possibly participating in the Helpers in Missions "HIM" Program. It's run through Memorial Road church of Christ, and they send college graduates out into the mission field to work under missionaries that are established in different areas of the world. I told him about my love of England and about how I had thought about all my different options as I traveled around last semester. It seemed like everywhere I went I heard about an opportunity to go for a year or two teaching English or just working as a missionary. I loved Pac Rim and every place we visited, so each time I tried to imagine myself coming back and living there for a year. Every time I just felt like that wasn't quite the right place for me. A year in China... Two years in Japan... Two in Australia... It all sounds fun, but it wasn't until I was walking through Sydney alone one day (don't tell my sponsors) ;) and I caught myself comparing my experience there with "this is what it would feel like being alone in England if I move there" that I realized... "OH! I really DO want to go to England!"

Ever since graduating high school 4 years ago when I went on vacation with my Nana for 2 weeks in Europe, I've dreamed of going back. I even told my mom when I got back from that trip that I was going to move to England when I finished college. Anytime people ask me what I want to do with my degree or what I'm going to do after college, all I can think of is England. "Not sure..." doesn't mean I have no idea, it means I want to move to England, and if I can find a way to do that, I'll take whatever job I can get.

About 2 years ago I went to talk to Kent Hartman about the HIM Program. It was still way too early to talk seriously about it, but I was interested at least. We talked for a while, and he encouraged me to come back when I was closer to graduating so we could see if I was still interested. Well... here I am, 2 years later, and yes, I'm still interested.

Clyde said that they are very picky about who goes, and I totally understand that. It's not cheap to send missionaries, and if they are going to commit that much money (MRCC pays a considerable portion) they need to know that they can trust the people they send. It also isn't easy to go. A lot of money has to be raised to go for a 2 year stay anywhere, and the UK isn't cheap. But Clyde said they do have a standing invitation from some missionaries in Nottingham for HIM workers. Each fall is when they start preparing people to go, so I have some time to consider the program, pray about it, and decide if I want to commit to my participation.

It's an exciting opportunity, and this time it's one that I could see myself fitting into. I want to go out into the world, and it is my hope that God will lead me - mind, heart, feet, everything.

I hate wanting to write a blog and not knowing what to say. It's not that I don't have anything to talk about, it's focusing my thoughts enough to put into words what I am thinking. Ultimately, that's the goal of blogging: to organize my thoughts, but tonight I am thinking too many things at once. All of my thoughts are centered on the future.

After thinking for a while, I've decided Proverbs may best serve me now. I need something to meditate on and consider while planning and setting goals for the future. Obviously, I want God to lead me, but I also have my own selfish goals. These things don't necessarily contradict, but I want to know that I am doing what is right. It is too easy to justify selfish desires alone, but if I am constantly seeking his guidance, I know the path He has already set me on will become clear.

For tonight, I'll leave it at this, and think more about my future. More to come. :)


Proverbs 16
¹The plans of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.
²All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight,
But the LORD weighs the motives.
³Commit your works to the LORD
And your plans will be established.
⁴The LORD has made everything for its own purpose,
Even the wicked for the day of evil.
⁵Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD;
Assuredly, he will not be unpunished.
⁶By lovingkindness and truth iniquity is atoned for,
And by the fear of the LORD one keeps away from evil.
⁷When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD,
He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.
⁸Better is a little with righteousness
Than great income with injustice.
⁹The mind of man plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.
¹⁰A divine decision is in the lips of the king;
His mouth should not err in judgment.
¹¹A just balance and scales belong to the LORD;
All the weights of the bag are His concern.
¹²It is an abomination for kings to commit wicked acts,
For a throne is established on righteousness.
¹³Righteous lips are the delight of kings,
And he who speaks right is loved.
¹⁴The fury of a king is like messengers of death,
But a wise man will appease it.
¹⁵In the light of a king's face is life,
And his favor is like a cloud with the spring rain.
¹⁶How much better it is to get wisdom than gold!
And to get understanding is to be chosen above silver.
¹⁷The highway of the upright is to depart from evil;
He who watches his way preserves his life.
¹⁸Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before stumbling.
¹⁹It is better to be humble in spirit with the lowly
Than to divide the spoil with the proud.
²⁰He who gives attention to the word will find good,
And blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.
²¹The wise in heart will be called understanding,
And sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.
²²Understanding is a fountain of life to one who has it,
But the discipline of fools is folly.
²³The heart of the wise instructs his mouth
And adds persuasiveness to his lips.
²⁴Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
²⁵There is a way which seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.
²⁶A worker's appetite works for him,
For his hunger urges him on.
²⁷A worthless man digs up evil,
While his words are like scorching fire.
²⁸A perverse man spreads strife,
And a slanderer separates intimate friends.
²⁹A man of violence entices his neighbor
And leads him in a way that is not good.
³⁰He who winks his eyes does so to devise perverse things;
He who compresses his lips brings evil to pass.
³¹A gray head is a crown of glory;
It is found in the way of righteousness.
³²He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.
³³The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from the LORD.