I think right now I'm struggling with feeling stuck. A lot of my friends are graduating soon, and I'm not. I still have a couple weeks before finals also, which means I'm here in Oklahoma not really doing much until this summer when I am going back to DC. And then after I graduate I'm hoping to go to England with the HIM program, but that doesn't even leave until next summer.

One thing that I learned on Pac Rim, and I obviously need to refocus myself now to remember is that I can't keep pressing forward excited about the next thing. I need to appreciate today for what it is, and not just make the most with what I've got but live today to it's fullest. Of course too many clichés come to mind, but that's exactly what I know I need to do right now. I can't live for a month from now or for a year from now, but I'm starting to realize that there is a reason I've been given this time between now and then. I need to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing - probably self-improvement - and start doing it!

So, that's my goal for now. To live for today. To find a way to make Monday, the very best April 13th, 2009 that I possibly can. Then I'll focus on the next day. I can't forget to make short term plans and goals while also keeping my long term goals as a motivator.

Well, it's been a while, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Thinking in regards to studying super crazy for tests and also thinking more about the HIM program.

I keep thinking about it, and the more I do the more I want to go! It's such an awesome opportunity for me to help others, but I think it will be an equally important growing experience for myself. Do I think I'm perfect for this? No, but I can learn, and I hope that my eagerness to help in any way would be beneficial to the work there. I'm not afraid to go.

This week, I had a long talk with my sister about life lesson kind of stuff, and my mom joked that I should be a counselor. When I called to talk to my sister, I had no idea what I was going to say, but somehow I was able to connect with her and relate to what she's going through to help her. I know that when I was in my teen years, so many times that's all I wanted. I wanted someone to listen to me, relate, and give me solid advice. Not to tell me what to do, but gently push me in the right directions. I was blessed enough to have an awesome youth minister in my life to talk to about whatever was going on, and I think that if I have that ability to connect to people - especially teens - then I should try to use that in a positive way and definitely for God.

I've heard many times people say that the UK and surrounding regions are hard places to minister, but I think that's a challenge worth facing. If we avoided all the places that were hard to teach to, then we may as well all stay home and not talk to anyone. It's hard to reach your neighbor here in the US. It's hard to reach the Chinese with the government watching. It's hard to reach the Japanese with their years of traditions and cultural habits in the way. What makes it any harder to reach the British? And even if it is difficult, does that not make it worth going? No. If I go, and I am only able to get through to a handful of people in my time there, does that mean my time was wasted or that I failed? Not at all. It means that a handful of people that may never have been exposed to God's love were shown that love, and maybe they can also share that love with others.

Like I said, the more I think about it, the more I want to go. I will continue to pray about it, to be sure that my heart is in the right place and that this is truly the path for me, but already I feel like my heart has become more ready and eager to go.

Please also pray for me as I make decisions over the next few months that will affect my future. Pray that I listen and follow God's will for my life and not try to fit what I think God wants into my own desires.

First of all, if anyone reads this, you should go check out my friend Stephanie's site about her mission to Rwanda: http://mymissiontorwanda.ning.com/

Also, I went to talk to Clyde Antwine yesterday about possibly participating in the Helpers in Missions "HIM" Program. It's run through Memorial Road church of Christ, and they send college graduates out into the mission field to work under missionaries that are established in different areas of the world. I told him about my love of England and about how I had thought about all my different options as I traveled around last semester. It seemed like everywhere I went I heard about an opportunity to go for a year or two teaching English or just working as a missionary. I loved Pac Rim and every place we visited, so each time I tried to imagine myself coming back and living there for a year. Every time I just felt like that wasn't quite the right place for me. A year in China... Two years in Japan... Two in Australia... It all sounds fun, but it wasn't until I was walking through Sydney alone one day (don't tell my sponsors) ;) and I caught myself comparing my experience there with "this is what it would feel like being alone in England if I move there" that I realized... "OH! I really DO want to go to England!"

Ever since graduating high school 4 years ago when I went on vacation with my Nana for 2 weeks in Europe, I've dreamed of going back. I even told my mom when I got back from that trip that I was going to move to England when I finished college. Anytime people ask me what I want to do with my degree or what I'm going to do after college, all I can think of is England. "Not sure..." doesn't mean I have no idea, it means I want to move to England, and if I can find a way to do that, I'll take whatever job I can get.

About 2 years ago I went to talk to Kent Hartman about the HIM Program. It was still way too early to talk seriously about it, but I was interested at least. We talked for a while, and he encouraged me to come back when I was closer to graduating so we could see if I was still interested. Well... here I am, 2 years later, and yes, I'm still interested.

Clyde said that they are very picky about who goes, and I totally understand that. It's not cheap to send missionaries, and if they are going to commit that much money (MRCC pays a considerable portion) they need to know that they can trust the people they send. It also isn't easy to go. A lot of money has to be raised to go for a 2 year stay anywhere, and the UK isn't cheap. But Clyde said they do have a standing invitation from some missionaries in Nottingham for HIM workers. Each fall is when they start preparing people to go, so I have some time to consider the program, pray about it, and decide if I want to commit to my participation.

It's an exciting opportunity, and this time it's one that I could see myself fitting into. I want to go out into the world, and it is my hope that God will lead me - mind, heart, feet, everything.